Trust The Process – A Deep Dive Into My Post-op Journey

If you’re doing the Summer Mind Camp, you know Week 3 is all about Embracing The Process, so I thought I would take you through my knee surgery journey. A time in my life where “trusting the process” couldn’t have been any more real.

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In Spring of 2015 (spring of my junior year at TCU), I had knee surgery to repair a chipped femur and torn meniscus. I will never forget the night that I got the phone call and heard the words, “You’re going to have to get surgery to fix this.” I had never had surgery prior to that point, and I was scared, sad, confused, and afraid that I wasn’t going to be able to play my senior season. As for most procedures, the procedure that I was having done didn’t have a 100% success rate. It was kind of a tricky injury and honestly, the thought of never playing again absolutely terrified me.

Prior to surgery, I talked to a couple of people about the recovery process and what that looked like for them. Everyone had their own opinion, but all had this in common: “It’s really hard, but you can do it.” 

I would like to preface this timeline by saying:
1: Everyone’s post-op journey is different
2: I wouldn’t have been able to accomplish all of the below without the help, support, and love from my family, doctors, teammates, coaches, athletic trainers, strength and conditioning coaches, friends, and fans. Thank you so much.

Now let’s get to it:

March 25, 2015: MRI of my knee. The circled part is what they had to go in there and fix. I had what is called an Osteochondral Defect (ODC) and in order to fix it, they had to drill six holes in the bone in hopes that the blood that came out would form a scab that would act as cartilage.

April 3, 2015: Surgery Day. Standing with crutches about 5 hours post-op! At that point I finally got the pain meds right, so I was much more comfortable than I was right after surgery. A piece of advice: If you ever have surgery, do not get behind on your pain meds!! It makes for a tough first day.

April 4, 2015: In the TCU training room 1 day post-op. I didn’t realize that I was going to start PT the day after surgery, so needless to say, it didn’t feel great. Lots of pressure, pain, and extremely uncomfortable. If you’ve had knee surgery, you know the feeling of “Oh my gosh I think my knee might blow up” when you try and bend it for the first time. Not fun and honestly defeating. (Shoutout to all of the athletics trainers, specifically Lauren Crawford, who helped me with my PT)

April 5, 2015: By far the worst pain I felt was on day 3. The swelling was going down, but boy did my knee hurt. Sleeping was the worst because I couldn’t get comfortable… it didn’t matter how high I had my leg propped up, there was a sharp pain that was just horrible.

April 6, 2015: Back in the volleyball training room getting in some reps during treatment. I was hooked up to a game ready and stem. (The game ready is a lifesaver after surgery, it circulates ice cold water and also compresses to reduce swelling). While I was in the training room, my teammates were practicing in the gym just a couple feet away from me. I could hear how much fun they were having and I couldn’t help but cry and think that I would never get to that point again.

April 9, 2015: Can’t bend or put my right leg on the ground? No worries, one legged push-ups it is! My upper body got SO strong during my knee recovery because I was limited on what I could do with my lower body. Shoutout to our strength and conditioning coach, Missy Mitchell-McBeth, who was great during my whole recovery. I made her job a little harder because of the modifications that were needed, but I wouldn’t have been able to come back stronger than ever without her.

April 28, 2015: One legged setting on the leg that got operated on. Really focusing on balance and building strength and confidence in that leg. I was only able to set two buckets standing up, but it sure felt great! One of the hardest things about physical therapy was that there were days where I just wanted to keep pushing and do more, but my body honestly wasn’t ready. This was one of those days. In my mind I thought I could set 10 more buckets, but my leg could only handle two.

(Photo by Sharon Ellman)

August 15, 2015: Covering my hitter during an inter-squad scrimmage. This was my first real game back and it was a blast!! I had some swelling and discomfort that night, but it wasn’t anything too bad. This game was special because it felt as if all of my physical therapy and treatment sessions were starting to pay off. There were many sleepless nights worrying about the “what if’s,” so actually being able to play all out again was so fun.

August 21, 2015: Video of the first pre-season tournament of the season. This was my first time post-op playing on my home court with a sold out crowd. It gives me goosebumps just thinking about it. There were many times during the recovery process that I never thought I would get to this point, but I did!

August 28, 2015: Pre-season tournament at SMU. We ended up losing to SMU in five sets, it was a tough loss, but a really fun game and great atmosphere to compete in. Pre-season in college volleyball is pretty demanding on the body, especially after surgery, so I honestly wasn’t feeling great after this weekend. My knee was really stiff and just didn’t feel right.

September 1, 2015: After the SMU tournament, I was struggling with quite a bit of pain and swelling. I couldn’t bend my knee to 90 degrees and I was having a hard time getting it completely straight, so the Doctor decided that I needed to get it drained. I won’t go into details about that process, but it didn’t feel great. The good news was that the liquid was a yellowish color and there was no blood! (Blood is bad when you get your knee drained)

September 20, 2015: Round 2 of getting my knee drained. There wasn’t as much in there this time, but it felt so much better once we got it out. After this round, we decided that it would be best if I completely stopped diving in practice because we realized that was one of the main reasons for the pain and lack of range of motion. I was able to go 100% in games, but was limited in practice which ended up helping a ton.

(Photo by Sharon Ellman)

October 28, 2015: Celebrating after sweeping Texas at home. Texas was #2 in the nation at this point and we were ranked around 40-50. This entire game was one of the best memories of my career. It made all of the pain worth it. It made every single physical therapy and treatment session worth it. There are honestly not many words to explain the feelings that I felt that day, but it was just amazing.

(Photo by Sharon Ellman)

November 27, 2015: Senior Day. As a freshman I remember thinking, “Gosh, my senior day feels so far away.” And then all of a sudden I was playing in my last game at TCU. We won the game and had a really nice ceremony after. As you can see from the pictures, it was emotional. It’s as if you are closing a chapter of your life, so surreal. 

(Photo by Sharon Ellman)

November 29, 2015: The NCAA Tournament Selection Show. We got picked for the first time since 2009, and we were set to play Hawaii at Texas A&M. There was so much raw emotion when we saw our name pop-up. Thousands of hours went into getting to this point, and we were excited to play.

December 4, 2015: Serving in Round 1 of the tournament. We ended up losing to Hawaii in 5 sets, 13-15 in the 5th, but it was such a memorable game. When I was younger, I never thought that I would eventually play my last point… and then I did. Many many tears were shed that day.

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On the morning of my surgery, on April 3, 2015, if you would have told me:

“You’re going to be okay. It’s all going to workout. There are going to be some painful moments, you’re going to have many moments of doubt, but you are going to play your senior season. You’re going to beat Texas at home and you’re going to make it the NCAA tournament.”

I probably would have just chuckled because all of that would have sounded nearly unbelievable. But I’ll tell you what, it happened. I credit many things for my recovery, but one of the biggest things is that although there were days that I wanted to give up, I found a way to pull it together and get back to work. I worked hard in every physical therapy session, I did was I was told to do and more, and I trusted the process. 

If you are struggling with seeing results right now, understand that it doesn’t happen overnight. It took me more than four months to go from not being able to walk to playing high level volleyball again. Regardless of where you’re at on your journey, understand that you’re going to have good days and you’re going to have bad days, but you can’t give up. Live is too short to throw in the towel. 

-AH